Which makes no sense since my name is not Brian, While every Americans knows that America is the best country in the world. I wore it confidently to an evening... Dad always bragged about the gunners on his ship. We call him the Village Idiom. To save money, I suggested to one of my grown sons that we all live together in one house. “What’s this for?” I asked. Click here for more information. I handed her the penny. Back home, he pulls on the starter rope a few times with no results. Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. They’d smoke two joints before they smoke two joints, and then they’d smoke tumor. Vendor: Well, here's the brain of Albert Einstein. We are no longer supporting IE (Internet Explorer) as we strive to provide site experiences for browsers that support new web standards and security practices. “Steve! When my Dad got out of the Army, a friend gave him a job as a “diesel fitter” at his ladies’ undergarments factory. I loved the dress that I bought at a flea market. —Ronald D. Stieglitz. John, a young farmer, was engaged and would soon be wed to a young woman from a nearby town. If you're ... Let's just get these jokes out of the way now so we have plenty of time for cake. He started cheering for the Indians to score, even as the men yelled, “Cut it out; you’re a Sox fan!” The Sox ended up winning, everyone was happy, and my dad and I laughed all the way home. I could tell he didn’t think it would be cost-effective when... 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Here’s my favorite dad joke, with me as the dad: Every Sunday on the way to church, we would have to stop at a railroad crossing. A manager leaped to his feet to ask, “Shouldn’t there be a hyphen between nit and picking?” —E. She danced on the dining room table. —Mimi Wright. Bartender: Three dollars. One day, I was driving over a new bridge, the design of which was very... To save money, I suggested to one of my grown sons that we all live together in one house. “I’m sorry, you have the wrong number,” I said. Scene: With a patient in my medical exam room Me: How old are your kids? Me: We have running shorts. Me: There you go. O‌‌n th‌‌e lef‌‌t side‌‌, ther‌‌e i‌‌s nothin‌‌g right. Run!” His companion laughs at him. The interviewer played along and asked, "Alright. ", despite all that he had a fully functioning brain and heart but was essentially just a head. Without her, man is nothing.” —Susan Allen. It keeps working 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, and 52 weeks, Student 1: A machine is anything that reduces human effort, The first engineer says "He'd be a mechanical engineer. “Keeping it safe for democracy.” —Lori Shandle-Fox. I started: “I’d hire a cook so that I could just say, ‘Hey, make me a sandwich!’” Thomas shook his head. When the headaches strike the poor man can’t work, he can’t sleep, he can’t bare light or sounds or even touch. Patient: Well, the older ones didn’t give me any grandkids, so I made my own. It’s no wonder why so many never learned to use it. So what’s the Wi‑Fi... After a health scare, I hugged my wife and whispered, “If something happens to me, the presents in my closet are yours.” She whispered back, “If anything happens to you, everything in your closet is mine.” —Dean Simpson. The three of them sit down and order a round of drinks. Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. When my local barista handed me my change, one coin stood out. I grew up hearing my dad tell a joke about a Mrs. Dunn, whose son, Timmy Dunn, had left Ireland for America, never to be heard from again. My Dad’s favorite joke is indelible: Joe is a new man on a construction crew. When I was 12, he took me to a Chicago White Sox game... My father liked to say, “I’m bald because a good man always comes out on top.” Dad loved to make people laugh. Settle in: You're in the right place. Her face grew red, When the gentleman said ... “Look at the legs on that table!” —Clo Dodge. “I’m sorry, you have the wrong number,” I said. Know how I can tell? 1. A herd of buffalo can move only as fast as the slowest buffalo. The wife undresses and says, "25 years ago, when you first saw me naked, what were you thinking?" —Mike Vanloo. The son points at his testicles and asks "Mom, is this my brain". -Swedish is an easy language to learn. One day, at an event honoring veterans, a young man asked where they had been stationed. I treated a monk with epilepsy by implanting a seizure inhibitor device - the one with a microcomputer that sends out current to negate the seizure. We recommend our users to update the browser. The woman quickly learned that Mom was retired. “No, I want the left side!” “I want the left side!” “No, I want the left side!” Intervening, I said, “Since Eric is older, he can have the left side.” “Thanks, Dad!” said Eric. —Bob McCord. June 27th, 2020 Permalink. The... My granddaughter's husband was complaining about how spellcheck changes the meaning of e-mails when an Air Force officer told him this story: He’d sent a message to 300 of his personnel addressed to “Dear Sirs and Ma’ams.” It was received as “Dear Sirs and Mamas.” —Phyllis Howard. During a job interview at the 99 Cents store, my son was asked, “Where do you see yourself in five years?” My son’s reply: “At the Dollar Store.” He got... Two guys stole a calendar. It fit perfectly, and the skirt was a swirl of intricate pleats. He shrugged.

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